West Limerick Resources - "Committed to the Community"

Domestic violence

Staff at the West Limerick Primary Health Care Project for Travellers describe their experience of the training with Adapt Services in 2011

Between 2010 and 2011 all of the team completed the two-day workshop on Understanding & Responding to Domestic Abuse with Adapt Services. We did the training in both the city and county. One of the training programmes was for staff of three Primary Health Care Projects only. Adapt Services even tailored this programme to fit in with the work schedule of Community Health Workers in North Tipperary, Clare and West Limerick (running it over four mornings).

What really stood out for us during the training was "The Wheel of Domestic Abuse" - we put it together like a jigsaw. It was just amazing. We also did different roleplays - some of us found these difficult and some of us found them okay. And we looked at what goes on behind closed doors - what you'd never realize can be going on at the other side of a lovely hall door. We heard shocking figures about domestic abuse - that one in five women has been affected. For some of us the time seemed long but for others, the time just flew - but all in all, we thought the training was great.

Probably the best part of the training was visiting Adapt House. We had such a different picture of what it was like. We thought everyone was just stuck on top of each other - but it's not at all like that. Women and their families have their own beautiful and separate apartments and they don't even have to meet anyone else staying there. And there is so much help and support, it's unbelievable. Any woman coming there would be made feel as safe and comfortable as possible - the security and care are great. Women can even get help getting to the house in some situations where they have to get away fast. And we didn't know about safety plans - we wouldn't have thought about that but it's good to have a plan for emergencies so as to not be leaving with absolutely nothing.

We learnt so much during the workshop! Really it doesn't matter if you're married to a doctor, or a guard or a social worker or whoever - domestic abuse can and does happen. And there's so much to domestic violence - it isn't just him hitting you... and the wheel of violence just goes round and round and never seems to end. Most women in the room (during training) would have experienced what was on the wheel at some stage. And it's amazing how women can cover up the abuse for all sorts of reasons... and men too. It was shocking to also hear about how people with disabilities can get abused and they can't do anything to protect themselves. It's also shocking what excuses can be used to abuse a woman - an egg not cooked enough? Plus we didn't know that rape can and does happen in marriage - we feel that this would be a very difficult thing for a woman to talk about and get help for.

We would never judge a woman who decides to stay in or return to an abusive relationship. In fact this was the first question everyone had going into the training: why does a woman stay? By the end of the training, we all had a much better understanding - leaving home, possessions, friends, school, Daddy... along with pressure from family, friends, children, husband, partner... along with so many fears and worries... Some of us would say that mental abuse is worse than physical abuse. At least you can see the bruises and you know why you hurt, but you can't see or show mental pain - a box or a belt seems better than playing with the brain.

Whatever a woman's situation or story and whatever a woman wants to do, staff at Adapt Services seem so willing to support her. Sometimes she just might want to go to Adapt House for some rest and healing before returning to her husband or partner. Sometimes she may decide she has had enough and wants to leave the violent relationship. Either way, the staff can help her in so many ways.

To finish, we'd say the training was brilliant. It really got us thinking and is suitable for both men and women. We feel that it was good for both our jobs and ourselves. We now have information on the help that's there should we meet someone who needs the information. We now understand more about what it's like for a woman who is in an abusive relationship.

Article submitted to Adapt Services' newsletter in July 2011